Every person will experience heart ache, in different levels and degree. Because each and one of us experience love and part of having love is a very unique feeling of pain. A pain that can’t be explained, just the same as love, describing it as others would say you feel “butterflies in your stomach.” Heart ache can make you bitter or better, weak or stronger, afraid or be brave. It will mold you to become a different person. Not very much like you used to be.
I know there are lots of stories and articles or poems about this matter each have a different situation and circumstances but all is the same in one way or the other, that all of us have loved and all of us experienced pain. Now, I share to you how love and heart ache taught me.
I only gave my heart few times, trice to be exact the first was when I was just a teen and it all felt so sweet and cute and lead to my very first heart ache. Second, I think, I really did not give my heart because this time I was the one who caused the hearth ache and that gave me pain too, it was not easy. And the third is challenging and unreal and the reason for making this write up. I am single for the longest years and guarded my heart so much because I know God has prepared someone for me in this big world. A single guy who is out there that was only meant for me.
The same story goes as a boy meets a girl then there were sparks…
I remember how it all started. From the first hello to the next until I was already looking forward to that everyday conversation that gave me a feeling of appreciation and thinking that he puts effort to spend time with me and make me feel special.
It was a very beautiful friendship, so promising that it defies distance, time and boundaries. What we have shared is something I treasured. True, it was not easy because it is complicated to start with. But we manage to surpass it. I know I did. I know I never gave up on us.
I have shown the real me, the best of me and I have taken the time and effort to be the person he needed but it was not enough, because we were 6,679 miles apart. Across the distance we shared good moments, stories, care and love. It was a special bond that no one understands. I share them to people and I get different reactions. Others say it so sweet, some tells me it must be hard and to others it is impossible and won’t work out, or to some as long as what makes you happy that is what is important. You see, all has something to say about our love. I believe we took care of it very well.
But it wasn’t enough. I have waited and waited and was still waiting for the time that we will be together. And things change so fast. We still talk but not like we used to, I still care but he don’t care that much anymore. Things are happening for us differently that our paths to one direction meeting at the end shifted, he have his own and I have my own way.
First time I felt pain, I have never felt, this was a different kind, it was really not the same from my very first heart ache, seeing him with another made my insides twirl. What is happening? I was not aware. I was caught off guard that it caused so much hurt. He has his reasons, I do understand but what I can’t control is the many little pinches of pain in my heart that all together broke it.
I brought it to myself. I know. I risk opening my heart to possibilities of the unknown. Happiness, sadness, joy or pain and many more they are all present as my vulnerable heart was exposed.
I do not regret every bit of what we have shared, because I have learned a lot from the process. I have learned that despite all the pain it caused I knew how to love and care for another, I know I am still a good person and that there are people who care and that my God is there.
I cried, I thought of things that I could have done to make things work, but the direction of my path is not towards him. It is directed to me, to know myself better, to care for myself and love myself more. It is not a selfish act but as he have broken my heart I realize that even there is so much pain, even I don’t understand, God wants me to love all over again. He wants me to learn how to forgive and accept it, to endure to be strong to be wiser to feel beautiful.
How I get over him is a breeze. For others it may not be as easy but for me I guess, it is. There were just a bit of mourning because I can’t deny it but I stayed positive and looked at the bigger picture, looking forward, moving on.
It doesn’t mean I didn’t love the person enough but it is because the love of my God has covered it all up.
The words that came out of my mouth is the same prayer I prayed from the very first heart ache I have experienced when I was still a teen. “LORD, You know my hurts. You know who I really am. You know the best and the worst of me. For You know everything there is to know about me. You love me still and never will You stop loving me. You are my closest Friend. You are my steady companion throughout life, during death, and after death. I will remain with You throughout eternity, for You have saved me. In Your mighty name, Amen!” that time God answered my prayer and this time He answered it clearly.
I believed God have already saved me from many possible heart aches, because I could have chosen to give my heart away many times but God allowed only this. Having this part of my life is necessary. I needed to learn, I needed the pain and I needed to know how to endure. It is better to have loved than not to have loved, they say and I think it is true because in that part of my journey it has equipped me with what I need to move forward in my life.
Now I am excited, for the pen in this area of my life, I surrender to my God. Who knows me very well and that He alone will write my love story not me or anybody else. That the next time my heart will be open he will need to knock first and meet my God and as my God prepares me, He sure will prepare you (referring to my future love). lol
And as 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 says: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails.
And this is what my God has thought me. To have this exact kind of love not just for one but for everyone. The kind of love He has revealed to us. Not blind or a mystery or a many splendored things.
I have heard this song by Christon Gray and it is the exact thing that someone who has a broken heart should do. Let the Mender of the broken heart fix it for you.